When going gets tough

Chapter 1

I am sorry - It is a very empty sentence, when there is no one on the other side to receive it. Kaiel learned it the hard way, as his hands pressed against the gaping hole in his wife's chest. Warm blood gushed out squirting from in between his fingers, and tears trickled down his cheeks.

"SOME ONE, HELP US"!!!!

It was his last ditch effort to turn around his life.

"SOME ONE, PLEASE"!!!!

The street sure was crowded, but that day his screams were silent. People looked at him, shaking their heads in sympathy, and then moving on to face their own troubles.

"SOME ONE"!!!

The gushing had stopped by now, and he knew there was no point in turning around his life. He had killed the last person who ever cared for him. He quietly rose, wiping the tears on his sleeve. He stepped away from the pool of blood

and the disappeared into the alley way. He knew better not to stick around. He knew better, not to pay the last respect, the city will devour her.

"The blood trail would have already caught their attention", he glanced at his blood soaked hands.

"I have to find a place to loose the trail."

The small alley way opened into a crowded butcher's market, he felt safer. "I can disappear here."
 

and he picked up the gun from her lifeless hands, pocketing it. He glanced around. The still faces of the onlookers disgusted him.

"SHE COULD HAVE BEEN SAVED" !!!

He let out a helpless scream. People dispersed, and hum of a distant siren caught his ears. "The pigs have finally heard the call". He sighed to himself, as he picked up pace, walking away from the crime. His phone chimed, "Damn, the next task is already sent!!! They must have been watching the whole incident."

Chapter 2

It was a hot July evening, when he first met Lix.

"Is the fleet shaken?"

"What???????" Kaiel strained, sliding his headphones away from his ears,

"IS THIS SEAT TAKEN"

He was not prepared for that kind of a commitment.

"No!", only one syllable he could manage, aaand she was already at home on the seat.

July became August, September, October, and by December Kaiel had mustered enough courage to drop in the big question.

Some would say it was too early, and others would argue the contrary, but for Kaiel and Lix, it was perfectly timed. "Yes!!!!", She answered with a smile, and the following month they were happily ever after driving a "Newly Wed" car. She was the morning, and he was the sunshine. She was cloud and he was the silver lining. It never ceased to amaze people how much love the world had.

But, all happy things do have a sad ending, and for Kaiel and Lix, things were not so different. Once the "promises to a never ending love" phase was done, the "ever lasting"  become "will it ever last?". Their cooing and canoeing turned into conflicts and bickering. Their ups and downs mirrored the world around them, and just like their love, the world saw a turmoil. While their life was being torn apart with the human fallacies, the world around them was being thrown into a disarray brought in by

a social plague in the form of an addictive role playing challenge series. The challenges were a set of games, promising fortunes - if completed, but cruel at its core. Lex and Kaiel, with their love struck eyes were safe from it for a while, but soon were dragged into the depths of hell when the love that they swore by faded into the shadows of regret. The game was simple, an operator gave the tasks as messages on the phone, and the players finished the tasks.
The only catch was the cruelty associated with each task.
an alien invasion, not the one out of the popular science fictions, but the invisible one.

"Human kind's annihilation is its own curiosity.", some great person had said once, and the world now was on the brink of chaos because of this curiosity. The ussual suspect was the cure for cancer. Some lone scientist somewhere, in the pursuit to find the cure for cancer had curiously dabbled with syphilis and rabies viruses, and now these viruses were the new normal. A super bug  as contagious as syphilis and as deadly as rabies. It turned its victims into mindless zombies.
The government was quick to action, crucifying the scientist, and declaring a state of emergency. They had their agents, and these agents made sure that threats were eliminated.
 

Chapter 3

Kaiel joined first, and by the time Lix was involved, Kaiel had already been tasked with three murders. Lix always wondered how Kaiel slept peacefully, and as days passed by the paranoia started gnawing on her soul. What if I am next, she always wondered. The bedroom, once taunted as the temple of love soon turned into a dungeon of mistrust, and soon the guns under their pillows were their only solace. Sleep evaded them and paranoia set in.

The breakfast was the most stressful event of the day, with each trotting a hidden arsenal of guns and dynamites. The paranoia soon turned into a deep rooted fear, and sleep soon became the enemy. They could not sleep.

The lack of sleep was followed by its distant cuisine - The hallucinations. The eyes which once saw love, was now burdened with fear and hatred.

On the contrary, the tasks brought in a sense of discipline. Every gash, scratch and cut was very sincerely addressed - following the protocol set by the task masters. It became necessary as these wounds would soon become a decisive factor in deciding who would live and die. Lix was the unfortunate one. She was wounded in one of her operations.

Trust was immediately discarded and every one around her became a potential assassin. This new found insight also meant she was equally dangerous to every one around her. Trust was already bartered for doubt, and soon Lix and Kaiel parted ways.

It was approximately three days after they had parted ways that

Kaiel received the next set of instructions. The instructions never had the name of the target, but only pointed to the location and a description of the target. He was a bit perplexed, as the location was a crowded street, and the description matched that of a person whom he knew. His steps were heavy, but the destination became his new goal. He reached the end of the street when a familiar site greeted him. Lix was at the other end of the street, and he knew who the target was. Lix realised she had been marked as the next target. Its not hard to figure out that you are the mark, when there exists a barrage of attempts at eliminating you. Lix was very careful, and she made sure she was never spotted. May be the end of world made Lix sloppy or her wounds were really painful, but soon she walked right into the trap which was being led into - A crowded street. She saw Kaiel standing at the other end of the street, and knew who her designated assassin was.

They both approached each other, guns drawn, ready to strike. Kaiel was cautious, not knowing how Lix would react.

"None of this was personal", Lix's voice wavered as she addressed Kaiel. He knew what she meant. "Baby, you don't want to do this.", he retorted.

Lix knew what she had signed up for. She knew the alternatives.

"I have known love with you.", her words followed with a gunshot.

Kaiel leapt forward, his hands grabbing Lix as she fell.

Memoirs

A candle, flickering in the gentle breeze,
A smile, captured in an immortal freeze.
Tears, to wash the memories anew,
Faces, but none to her rescue.
She faded, wilted like the flower of the spring.

A letter, folded with a gentle crease,
The words, muffled in sorrow, a cunning tease.
Stories unfolded, each labeled untrue,
None to blame but alone like the morning dew,
She faded, with her, the lies untold.

A slit, cold drenching water, answers to her pleas,
A void, awaiting her, life does death frees.
Pain, slowly fading away as fear grew,
A gasp of fresh air, to the end her life drew.
She smiled, at the empty fate, a promise never to cry.

She was my soul, I wither as she dies,
A promise to never grow old, frozen in time,
As the autumn fades, ushering the winter of her life,
I wait, for this winter to tide my lies,
I watch the boatman carry my soul across.

Circle of Guilt

 Her eyes were fixed on the small leak that had sprung up in the faucet. "It was just an accident!!!", her inner monologue tried to pacify her thumping heart, as she paced her breath, a frail attempt at calming her nerves. The broken faucet was not the cause of her fear, but rather the image of her mother flushed hot with anger. "There is still time. I should be able to fix it", she continued her monologue. Her young mind raced to find a fix to the problem at hand, occasionally shaking her head as she discarded the fixes one after the other. After a little struggle with her thoughts, her face lit up, and she scrambled to the garage.

Sheryl's mother used to be a sweet person, but time is always a villain. It manages to turn the sweetest of them all into sour and snappy old souls. The constant hustle and the daily grind added fuel to the  ember which time had so generously kindled. The day the faucet broke, was just another day on the grind for her mother, and as luck would have it, she was home earlier than usual. That day instead of sprawling cloths lying on the floor, she was greeted with a fountain in the sink, a flooded kitchen, and Sheryl with a pipe wrench.

The anger turned into a blinding rage.

...

"I got my grades", the little girl had a grin sprawled across her face, as she handed her grade card to her mother. Sheryl was a dotting mother, and the joyous grin adorning her daughter just brought a smile on her face.

Sheryl had made sure not to walk down the path which her mother had walked. Sheryl had learned from the mistakes of her mother, and made it a point not to let her day, no matter how frustrating or grueling it was, leave an impression on her daughter. No matter how difficult the day was, the hope of seeing her daughter smile, gave her the courage to face what the world threw at her.

"Lets celebrate our little win, Mommy's treat for my baby". Their celebrations were special, but limited to within their means - A happy meal from the nearest burger joint, and the toy as the icing on the cake.

The ride to the burger joint was not so joyous compared to the occasion - Sheryl's car scrapped a parked car, the parking lot was full, and a thrifty decision to park on the curb won her an expensive parking ticket. Sheryl had her calm demeanor challenged, and a slow anger and frustration was cooking deep inside her, but for the sake of her daughter, she was all rainbows and sun-shines.

At the counter they ordered their favorite meal, a cheesy ham burger, salted fries and a large cup of coke. Sheryl's daughter always volunteered to carry the food back to the table, and with pride did she carry them - a trophy highlighting her victories, and today being a bigger day than all the other days, a trophy she carried. A loose shoelace played the spoilsport to the merry making of the kid, as she stumbled, splashing the contents of the cup, and the cheese spread on her mother. Sheryl was a bit annoyed by the clumsiness, but continued holding her facade. A small beady tear swelled up in the kid's eye, as she saw her hard earned prize splashed all around.

"Its okay baby, we will get another one". Sheryl consoled the now sobbing kid, as she wiped the tinny beads of tears rolling down her cheeks.

The kid felt a pang of guilt, as she was well aware of her mother's struggles. Between the sobs, the kid mustered enough energy to let out an apology.


"Sorry Mommy, It was just an accident."


Its funny when people say that words have the power to move mountains. For Sheryl that day, words stirred something buried deep within her.

The anger which she had locked away from her daughter, turned into a blinding rage.

When the grass is always greener

On the other side, ...

Apples grow on the tiny blades of grass,
Butterflies plant new trees,
Birds chirp a new anthem.

On the other side, ...

The water is crisp, blue color of glass,
Allies rise up in arms,
Kids slurp on the candy cream.

On the other side, ...

Shrilled songs of love, sung by highland lass,
Prize antelope hung by the pyre,
Little twerps, sing their fabled rhymes.

On the other side, ...

Life is always cute, live by the crass,
Cacophonies of a dreams lost,
But alas, the other side, is the other side.

On the other side, ...

The weed is the greener plant.

The Song of the Southern Wind

The Sun Spoke, 
The sweetest of the words,
That befell any ear before,

'Whom are you waiting for',
A shy smile, replied.
'A love I reckon',
The sun simmered. 

The clouds gathered,
A tale they longed to hear,
Of love, of longing, of the wait.

'Why the blush', the sun teased,
The smile gave way,
'Its a secret', she replied,
The clouds awed, women of the same feather.

The rain had a different tale,
'Who are you waiting for',
They chimed, a drizzle of words,

'Why don't you clear off',
She, rhymed the rhythm,
Rhythm of the thunder,
as it echoed through the clouds.

And as the rain parted farewell,
And the sun geared with joy,
And the clouds that dispersed with awe.

He stood, all in his glory,
Seven colors, majestic, royal,
Her blush gave way to joy,
And the southern wind smiled.

The Bloom

She winks, 
The mischief, twinkle, 
She winks,
The silent grim,
And the bloom,
That saw no sun light.

She winks,
Death she cribs,
She winks,
Nothing makes sense,
I blink at death,
The existence, a pain.

She winks,
Makes stories,
She winks,
Kill the horror,
Fading light, escape,
The scene of thousands.

She winks,
Cradle of the undead,
She winks,
I was a friend !!!
Kill the messenger,
Peace I believe is myth.

She winks,
I cringe with pain,
She winks,
Fire burns less, 
The flower blooms,
Night, no light, no witness.

Man with three shoes.

Follow the waters' trail,

Winding in the sun, 

Snakes of the brood, return,

Return to your home.

Who walks there?

Below the green ridge,

Blossoms, to the right, 

I see it pale old but bright,

The tree, rooted in my heart.

Who walks there?

I who have seen the stars,

And have traversed the sea,

I who have won the hearts,

And slain with mercy,

Who walks there?

The night of the future,

Light, I presume, fades.

Jades of the castles fallen,

Why should I wait.

Who walks there?

Its me who walks. 

Who waits by the willow,

Bloom my mate, spread your wings,

And ask, till your heart's content

But who walks there?

The Moon and the Owl.

The wind hustled, as the cold moon smiled,

Leaves of the untouched future, rusting away,

Shine with me, oh moon, shine with me.

An owl's hoot, woke me my from my slumber,

A constant knock on the window, 

I can see it, see it fade, see it grow.

My eyes catch the little pale smirk, 

On the face of the moon, as she smiles,

I hope for the night to last, for the light to fade,

The shadows dance, as the clouds drift,

Playing hide and seek with my fear,

She smiles, she laughs, she dances with the clouds.

I hear the wind sing me a lullaby,

The rustling of the leaves, add music to the cry,

The wind grows cold, as does my heart.

The shadows turn to faces, as the clouds drift,

They live, they die, as she smiles,

They merge, they disappear, dance away.

I see a little boy, holding my hand,

Another knock on the widow, my sleep fails,

The nigh grows darker, the shadows fade.

I hear the wings flap, a hoot, as she flies,

The moon smiles, fading at times with the drifting clouds,

I want her near, hold her, feel her cold light.

Night is young she says, as she sits on the shoulder,

The little boy cringes, a hoot, to comfort,

The silver of the moon, makes her shine.

Hold me close she says, the light would come,

The little boy leaves my side, walks away,

Disappearing into the shadows.

Close your eyes as I sing you a lullaby,

Hoot, she says, a knock on the window,

My sleep is gone, with her light, she fades.

Fly with me she says, and she spreads her wings,

I miss the little boy, and I know he won't return,

So into the wind I fly, bathed in her silver sheen.

One Song Poem : Voice of the Unheard

The touch of cool breeze, unwavered by thought,

She sat, her hair wavering like silken thread,

The Sun was her companion, as it smiled and shined,

Silence was her friend, as she sat, lost in thoughts.

A butterfly fluttered around her, wings flapping,

A gust of wind, she felt, raising her hopes of a new tomorrow,

The ruslting of the leaves, the stutter of the nature,

The thoughts were only what made her, the tresses of her past.

Niether did the gods could help her, as silence crept in,

Long lost were the days of pompous celebration,

As she sat, by her dark corner, walls casting their shadows,

The glimmer of sun, lost in the silence of her day.

A twig broke, cracking through her being,

A tear sparkled as she stood, walked away from herself,

The portrait of a bright future, dallying by her fingers,

Will this ever end, Will I ever speak.

A firefly twinkeled, as the night broke out,

The shadows of the walls, long lost to the night,

She walks, away from everything she knew,

Every thing that defined the being she was.

A hug, the tears find their way,

Paving a path of sorrow, she tramples,

The dying flowers, reflect her hopes of tommorrow,

Nothing but rain, as the clouds curl up.

The silver lost to the lust, she held it at her heart,

The rain would lash out its fury, as clouds darkened.

The silver lost to the clouds, as the moon hid in the night,

And it rained, her tresses wetted by tears of god.

Will she ever speek?

The Woman (Inside Me)

The eye, thousand words in a glance,

Not a flutter, just the shimmering glee.

Drown in the mist, white, and gray,

Open  your mind, colorful from inside.

Portrait of the glaring sun,

Purple and red, the touch of magic.

Pout the mouth, words to fly,

Deaf to all the worries, just the silence.

Heart beats, little flutter of wings,

Butterflies to blame, but self assured pain.

Touch, like the dew,

Trickle down, sweet smell of rain.

Held close, never to break,

Bonds of pain, but the smile on face.

But the end, red in color,

Just to feel, to forget and move on.

She is the woman, Inside me.

The First Kiss

Under the silence of the night,
Like the moonvine, the love blossomed,
The silver sheen, and the sweet fragrance,
Of an heavenly peace bloomed,
As her fingers slid into mine.

Her eyes told it all,
As I held her in my arms,
The winds played with her mane,
As her heart stopped for a while,
With the sweet embrace.

Her eyes drowned in mine,
As I held on to her,
And then under starry sky,
Her lips gently pressed onto mine,
And I wish the night stayed on forever.

The Story of the Night.

Long ago, there was no night, but just light,
And this light gave birth to an unending love,
A true love, that bound the Earth and the Sun.

They were together, nothing to separate them,
And their love was known across the universe,
Man was happy, for there was no darkness to fear.

There was a seer, who was enchanted by the beauty,
Enchanted by the beauty of the Earth, and he wanted her
But it was the Sun who stood in between him and his love.

His love turned to jealousy, and all he wanted was her,
He plotted days on end, plotted how to get rid of the Sun,
And one day he came up with a plan, plan to take his love.

The seer went to meet the Gods, "Does the human pray to you?",
"Does he come to you, praying for the well being?"
"Does he humour you with his thanksgiving?".

"He has long forgotten fear, so he forsakes thee",
"He has forgotten anguish, so he doesn't heed thee".
"Give him darkness, and he will come to you, you will see".

The Gods were impressed by what the seer said,
"So let it be, let there be night, let there be no light",
"Let the man fear me once again, and countinue to pray"

So came the night, and the sun was gone,
And the seer seizing the opportunity, pursued his love,
The Earth was frightened by the darkness, and afraid of the seer.

She ran to the Gods for help, and she begged them,
Now the Gods understood what was that what the seer wanted,
"You have deceived us oh great Seer, so you shall be punished"

The seer was cast into a bottom-less pit,
"And for you, oh Earth, we can't undo the night",
"But we can give you light in the night"

And saying thus, they placed the Moon in the sky,
And it shone bright, with the light from the sun,
While the Earth waited patiently for the dawn.

And to this day, the Moon shines,
Shines with the promise of love,
A true and eternal love, that would return one day.

The Lady In The Portrait

The sweet smile, and a morbid love,
I never knew, what changed my mind,
But when I drew her on my canvas,
It was night for me, and sunshine for her.

I tried, to make the colors look alive,
But she was adamant, made me look grim,
I reasoned with her, and then a long walk,
But nothing would change, for she was mine.

I drew her, a damsel in distress,
I drew her, for I loved her face more,
The colors were alive, and vibrant with fear,
Then a scream, when my true colors came alive.

Was it the noose, or the blade,
I couldn't tell but she screamed,
She called me crazy, a compliment,
When I let her dangle on her life.

She was captured, never to be free,
She was enslaved, within my dreams,
Then with a chilling shrill, she broke free,
Death became her solace.

I tried reason, but she would't listen,
I tried love, but she would't understand,
For all she saw was a withering cloud,
Under the shadow of a new dream.

Then finally to capture her,
To enslave her within my portrait,
I tightened my noose and swung my knife,
Until not a red drop would remain.

Judge me

The Infinite Love

"...What a fool was he, to believe in love, for I haven't found one, not in the hundred years I lived..."

Was it pity, or lust for blood,
That moved her heart, to help.
As she dragged him in, half dead,
Dragged him into her abode,
And let him live.

She was a vampire, an un-dead being,
Sucking out blood, to satisfy her needs,
But for him, she couldn't touch,
For on his neck hung,
The cross pendant.

She was moved, I could say,
For she helped him stand on his foot,
She had changed, I could see,

For she nursed him back to health,
Was it Love?

For months they stayed together,
In the little dwelling of hers,
And for months she nurtured the love,
As it grew strong with him.
Had she changed?

Then one day, she confessed her love,
"I feel the same", said he,
And for an embrace, he leapt in,
But she screamed, and held back,
The cross pendant on his being.

"If you love me, remove that,
Remove the wretched pendant from your being,
For it makes me weak in heart
And kills the love in me"
She said, with a shaky voice.

He tore the pendant apart with a shove,
And to dust he threw it,
And they broke into a sweet embrace,
Which only love could know.
Then she kissed his neck.

With a sudden jerk, she bit into him,
Sinking her fangs deep into his throat.
"For months you have evaded me",
She laughed, a bone chilling one,
As she drained the life out.

When she was done, she wiped her lips,
And threw the limp body to the floor,
"What a fool was he, to believe in love,
For I haven't found one,
Not in the hundred years I lived"

Dedicated to my lil' sis Josmin

Reasons - 2

Its been long since I actually wrote something sensible in this blog, ( well apart from the regular poetic explosions of fear and anxiety ). Today was a day I actually ( when I say actually I mean it this time :P ) tried to understand the reasons behind my screwed-up existence. I have had dreams where I was as normal as others were, where I could talk normal things. Think normally. Fall in love, have some one, who holds my hand and walks with me when I am down. Well these were just perfect examples of a perfect life.
Something happened, something which made me believe that there was no turning back, there was no returning from what I am, but as usual- "Who gives a F***". I hate it like this, I hate the reason of my existence, and everything linked to me. Thanks to a handful of people, I still breath ( not fresh air though :D ), I just wish I had a time machine, but well people would have missed "me" then.


I knew a man with no face,

No face to remember by.
I knew a memory with no name,
No name to recall it by.

The night was in its youth,
When two hands touched,
The night was in its death bed,
When the dreams were shattered.

So I stand tall, to protect my dreams,
And to do what is best for me,
So I stand up against all fears,
But still the night crushes me down.

I knew a man with no face,
Because I choose to forget,
I knew a memory with no name,
Because I hated to recall it.

The Blue Butterfly

The tender smile, that adorns her face,
The small little eyes, with hopes in them,

The little butterfly, that flies with time,
My little friend, and my little angel.

Is it her smile that makes me calm,
Or is it her love that makes me smile,
But every time I lose, every time I fall,
She is there, to show me that I am not alone.

The little kid, that grew in front of my eyes,
Now she stands as tall as me, smiling wide,
And I smile with her, a kid like her,
We fly, like the blue butterfly.


Dedicated to my dear little sis Dewika.

The Fragile Beauty

Dedicated to the one who makes me Happy, Calm and more of me again.

In my arms she lay,
With her dreams on her lips.
As she sang, the wind danced,
And her curls caressed my fingers.

Was it her song,
That made the clouds hide,
For the day was bright,
And I missed no sunshine.

The fragility of grace,
Made my heart leap, leap with joy.
Here she lays on my arm,
Her hands playing with my fingers.

She made me dream,
Dream of a day with no fear.
Its her eyes that I love,
Its her voice that sooth my being.

The faint smile,
That plays on her lips,
The light touch of nature's love,
That sparkles in her eye.

She speaks and I hear,
Nothing would stay, she says,
Then she breaks into a kiss,
Nothing I care for, I say.

The Butterfly Face

Was it fate, or a mere coincedence,
That our lives were to collide,
Under the dreary day, and a sunny night,
What more could the nature provide.

A flap of a wing, or a flutter of an eyelid,
Was it the beauty that blinded my sight,
As for my fate, oh a twisted one at that,
so how come you are my magical sunlight?

She flips her mane, and raises her face,
Like butterfly wings, they float in air.
She brushes her hair and smiles at me,
Dazed I doubt my newly gained sunshine.

She walks, with the tender touch,
As the butterfly floats along,
Like the water, her body does sway,
And like moon, her beauty does shine.

She is a nymph, with beauty untold,
Carefully crafted, by natures own hand.
The elements of life, dwel in her,
The elegence of beauty, crowns her head.

She does live, but in my dreams,
Where butterflies I do chase.
She will be mine, forever more,
The woman with the butterfly face.