Idol

Well its been a long time since I wrote something nifty and useful, and I guess I won't be doing that yet, but somehow, I realized who my idol was. There was a time when I was so confused with the "You need a role model to look upto and grow", well I was always kind of a guy who din't want an Idol or a role model to look upto. Basic reasons : Never found any one good enough for me to look upto, and remarkably that same characteristic is shared by my Idol. He doesn't look upto any one, he looks upto himself.

So what makes my Idol so unique.

I never wanted to grow up, to be a person who was driven by emotions, and instead wanted to be a person who saw reason in everything, ( well there are always exceptions, and I believe I won't be repeating my mistakes again.)

I had to let go of Gandhi, he was way too non practical. Well I liked his idea of non-violence and self sacrifice, but he used to put a lot of people in harms way to get what he wanted ( not saying he was a selfish being, but still).

Then as a christian I have the Christ himself to idolize, but still, he was way too philosophical and always had a wrong and a right and was never ready to compromize.

Then came the hardcores as I got into music, but again they had no reason or no logic. It was all emotions and feelings and frustrations out in the form of music, so I couldn't idolize them either.

I had an option of idolizing someone real, but again my ego won't allow that, knowing that all of my idols would die one day, or are already dead. So I wanted my idol to be immortal.

I listed down some of the characteristics which my idol should have. ( well its stupid, but I am enlightened.)
1. Immortal
2. Not driven by emotions while making judgement.
3. Practically with a high IQ.
4. Some one who won't do something wrong or non righteous. ( That puts out all the brilliant villains - including Joker, out of the list.)
5. Some one who has no attachments as such, yet would do anything for the ones about whom he cared.
6. Some one with a good taste in music.
7. Some one who loves to know about things, yet makes sure he isn't cramped up with information.
8. And a genius in his own field.


Well knowingly or unknowingly I have idolized this man who satisfies all of the above characteristics, and have somehow scripted my own likes and dislikes based on them, So yes I have an Idol, whom I look upto and who inspires me to be me, yet isn't real enough to make people say "Oh look there goes another one of his kind, he was great, but these posers just ruin his credibility.".

I look upto my self.

One Song Poem : Voice of the Unheard

The touch of cool breeze, unwavered by thought,

She sat, her hair wavering like silken thread,

The Sun was her companion, as it smiled and shined,

Silence was her friend, as she sat, lost in thoughts.

A butterfly fluttered around her, wings flapping,

A gust of wind, she felt, raising her hopes of a new tomorrow,

The ruslting of the leaves, the stutter of the nature,

The thoughts were only what made her, the tresses of her past.

Niether did the gods could help her, as silence crept in,

Long lost were the days of pompous celebration,

As she sat, by her dark corner, walls casting their shadows,

The glimmer of sun, lost in the silence of her day.

A twig broke, cracking through her being,

A tear sparkled as she stood, walked away from herself,

The portrait of a bright future, dallying by her fingers,

Will this ever end, Will I ever speak.

A firefly twinkeled, as the night broke out,

The shadows of the walls, long lost to the night,

She walks, away from everything she knew,

Every thing that defined the being she was.

A hug, the tears find their way,

Paving a path of sorrow, she tramples,

The dying flowers, reflect her hopes of tommorrow,

Nothing but rain, as the clouds curl up.

The silver lost to the lust, she held it at her heart,

The rain would lash out its fury, as clouds darkened.

The silver lost to the clouds, as the moon hid in the night,

And it rained, her tresses wetted by tears of god.

Will she ever speek?

Voyage to the Moon

"Is this seat taken?", a voice shook me from my day mare,
"No, not at all sire", I replied, a companion, most in want was I.
"Does this carriage take you to the moon, m'lad?", a chuckle with a grunt,
And all I could save was a puzzled stare.

"Well, I quite not understand", I replied, sheepishly rather,
"If this doesn't take you to the moon, I say,
we kill the driver loot his gold.", he grinned away.

He was scary, I must admit, and he did scare me, I must confess,
But that was not the only scary thing in store for me that day,
"For it will be a waste of gold, and silver to rott, I say,
If I were to miss the moon.", A loud insane chuckle followed.

"My king, you see m'lad, wanted to conquer the moon",
"And oh, a mighty king he be", the huge head bowed,
A touch of respect I saw, and a tear of lose and pain.

"So men gathered, ironsmiths to pound their way,
"Saw to fit a carpenter, to make a flying sail",
"And she did fly, a beauty at that", a sniff, as he wipped his tear,
"Moonfeather, and I her captain rose in the airy waves."

"We will fly to the end of the earth, and bury our flags there",
"To the moon my king did point, bright eyed as ever"
"And I will name it Armatha, after my daughter who is in grave".

"The Sun was harsh, and winds our foes", a pause to clear his throat,
"And clouds sang us a deathly prayer",
"But still we did sail, two and my moonfeather",
"To conquer the moon, to name it after king's daughter in grave."

"Its an interesting story, but is it true", I had to ask,
"You little punny boy, listen, and then you say."

"Days we sailed, and we saw marvells infront of our eyes",
"From the Dancing sands, to the up-flowing stream,
"And the place where rains were made"
Then silence, frozen he sat, with his gaze fixed upon me.

"Sire, you are starting to scare me", I retorted to his stare,
"Sorry m'lad", his gaze he shifted, to a far off place,
"In the memory of those beauty I was lost", he said.

"An year we flew over the land, and another over the sea",
"Our mast were full, and storms passed us by",
"And then hunger struck us, and then grief",
"And slowly gloom did engulf my moonfeather, until we saw the sight".

Here he paused, annoyingly, waiting for my permision,
Well, the story did intrigue me, I must say,
So I noded like a three year old waiting for a candy on a stick.

"Oh, you do seem interested to know what we saw", he grinned
"And so as I was saying", he cleared his throat, and raised his chin,
"The earth did really fall away", I was annoyed, irritated may be
"And we saw the moon raise from its place."

"Our ships we did land, and our flags we did plant",
"And Amartha was born once again",
"And the king was happy, as he smilled his way",

"Oh thats it!" I exclaimed, bored by the way he had ended the tale,
"I had hoped to be entertained", I did say.
"Wait till I reach the end of the tale", a glimmer caught my eye,
"Was it not the end, happily everafter", I mimicked, starring at the guy.

Some say witches are real, others say magic is a tale,
And slowly stories shaped, fairies danced, and lost I was in his tune
"Insanity m'lad, is just the brighter side of the moon"

The Woman (Inside Me)

The eye, thousand words in a glance,

Not a flutter, just the shimmering glee.

Drown in the mist, white, and gray,

Open  your mind, colorful from inside.

Portrait of the glaring sun,

Purple and red, the touch of magic.

Pout the mouth, words to fly,

Deaf to all the worries, just the silence.

Heart beats, little flutter of wings,

Butterflies to blame, but self assured pain.

Touch, like the dew,

Trickle down, sweet smell of rain.

Held close, never to break,

Bonds of pain, but the smile on face.

But the end, red in color,

Just to feel, to forget and move on.

She is the woman, Inside me.

Suicide

I heard the ice cubes rattle, as he placed his drink back on the table,
   "Its pretty lame an excuse, you should find something more interesting, something which would sweep me off my feet, something which would gi........." 
His voice faded out as my mind wandered out into the open sea, the smell of the salt, the fine spray of water with every wave, the cool breeze, the sun, the sand, the beach, the .....
               *CLICK*
He lighted another cigarette as he continued on with his rattle, nothing made sense, nothing ever did.  

I collected my coat, and my hat, as I walked out. The meeting was over, and he was not at all impressed, I had to work harder, I had to make an impression. 
    "Long night ahead, huh?", A friendly voice startled me, I recognized the voice, and was greeted by the same pleasant, charismatic face. She looked fabulous in her purple spray painted gown and the plastic fur coat. 

    "You look properly worn out, sleep when you can, the night might get onto you some day", Was she saying that I was loosing it, any way I din't care much about her pearls of wisdom.


Being a gentleman is a hard thing to do in todays world, I had a choice to make, - Ignore her and walk out into misery, or stay with her, have something to eat and drink and go home with some good memories. I had it sorted out in my head, I was no gentleman, so I turned and started walking back home, as if she din't even exist. I heard a grunt of disgust and anger, and her footsteps slowly faded away as she walked away. 

The porch was in utter darkness, I stumble as I try to find my way up to my house. Its never dark, but today out of some weird reasons it was. As I almost reached the door, I heard a loud buzz, and then in a blink of an eyelid, everything happened. My conscious faded out as I fell.

There was a lot of movement outside, noise, people screaming, running around, but it was all fuzzy. I tried to open my eyes, chaos reigned in its supremacy. I din't have much strength to even keep my eyelids open, and soon darkness crept in.

At the hospital I learnt that there was an accident, a plan had crash landed in our locality, around 75 people had died, and the toll was rising. They said I din't have much time either, or I heard them say. They said that I was almost dead, just my heart pumping enough blood to keep my system working. 


I was at a wrong place at a wrong time, and every action I took lead to my own death, not by coincidence, but by choice.I breathed one last deep breath. Then nothing, just silence, and darkness.

     "This should make a good story to write about", She said as she submitted my death story at the counter, and collecting her reward with the same old charismatic smile, she walked towards the gate,  


    "Suicide Indeed", She chuckled to herself as she walked away, dissolving into the multitude of people.

One Song Poem(Don't Steal my Demons)

To hear the little voice, I strained,
The little kid in me, drenched in blood,

"How long should I wait?", He asks,
"Wait till the time is right", I say

"You have changed the right time",
Retorted the little kid in me, drenched in blood,

"How can I make you mine", his voice echoed
"You can't", I replied, turning my face from him.

"I am all alone, broken", a sob I heard
Tears rolled down his cheaks, I was unmoved.

"Do you want me to change", sob turned to plea,
"You are good the way you are", Impatient I was.

"Then why are you leaving me back",

Down on his knees, with a twinkle in his eyes.

"You are my past", I reply,

Ready to move on, with my baggage I leave.

"Yes, you have grown up",

The tears had dried up, as he regained his posture.

I left him that day, never to meet him again.

The little kid inside me, drenched in blood.

Until today, when I heard him,

The spark of a little voice in me,

"Don't let others steal your demons",

The Oracle

The tent by the tree,

Did hold a lot of truth,

The crystal ball dictates,

And puppets we follow.

'You will kill your brother',

She screamed in her trance,

But only anger did I pay her,

And running I came out,

Out of the tent by the tree.

'She's a lunatic', my brother yapped,

'Don't be afraid', he consoled.

Then came the great war, 

The curse of human kind,

Blood knew no bound, 

As families were ripped apart.

To the army we were led,

Me and my brother, in arms we walked

Until a land mine took us apart, 

He died, or so I did think.

My brother was gone.

And despair got hold of me,

And army did I join to avenge.

The war was bloody,

Both sides loosing good,

Millions die everyday, but no peace,

Millions die, by my hand, no peace to me.

Brothers do fight against each other,

And for blood they yearn,

But for the hypocrite world, I lost my brother,

Or so I did think, until I pulled the trigger.

The day was rainy, dark and cloudy.

And as I dashed to claim my kill,

My eyes, met the man who lay beyond the ridge.

My Brother.